


Will you stay?

by Lokkanel



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Even Bech Næsheim and Isak Valtersen Meet Differently, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Roommates, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27544486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokkanel/pseuds/Lokkanel
Summary: When his father left the family home, Isak chose to stay. He stayed until he couldn’t sleep anymore, until he began to feel like the walls of the house were closing down around him, like he couldn’t breathe.Until this night when he got drunk alone in a bar, met a stranger and found a new home.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Even Bech Næsheim/Sonja (SKAM)
Comments: 109
Kudos: 242





	1. Night out

How did Isak end up here?

He knew he shouldn’t be here, it wasn’t right.

The music was too loud, the neon lights were too bright, the air too hot and heavy with the musky scent of dozens of bodies moving around him and he felt throat burning from the drink he’d just downed. How many did he have by now? Between the drinks he ordered and those that were offered to him by some men in the bar, hoping to strike up a conversation, he couldn't remember. His head was spinning from the alcohol, from the pain, from all the overwhelming sensations assaulting him without leaving him a moment to rest, a moment to think.

But maybe it was just what he needed. Why else had he come here anyway, besides to stop thinking and numb his sadness? Isak knew it wasn’t right but he didn’t know what else to do. He just wanted to forget, if only for a moment.

To forget the crying and screaming at home, the sound of doors being slammed shut and of plates being thrown against the kitchen walls, shattering into a thousand pieces.

He needed to forget that only a few months ago, he still had a family, two parents, a big sister and that now he was completely alone.

Isak and his sister Lea had never been very close, she was a few years older than him and when she became a teenager, she lost interest in her little brother, already too old to spend time and play with a  _ little boy _ . And besides, he had Jonas, his best friend, his bro. From the very beginning in elementary school they became inseparable, told each other everything, or, well, almost everything.

So Isak and Lea kind of grew up apart in the same home, but she was still her big sister and it had to mean something, right? All those big talks you heard in sappy movies about family being more important than anything else, was it all just bullshit to make viewers cry and help lazy screenwriters find an easy happy ending?

Well, it must have been, because when everything went to shit - when their mother's mental health got worse and worse to the point where she couldn't recognize her own children, when she hallucinated and became completely paranoid, when she started reciting the Bible from the earliest hours of dawn until the middle of the night - Lea decided to leave. She fled the family home - if this house filled with resentment, fear and the darkness of perpetually closed blinds could still be called a home - leaving her little brother on his own. And she didn't just move to another part of town, no, she left the country, crossing borders as if she couldn't put enough distance between her and those she was leaving behind.

Isak was left alone with their parents.

Alone with their constant arguing, his father trying to convince Marianne to get help, to make her understand that she wouldn’t find the answers she needed in the Bible, that he wasn’t her enemy, that her son needed her.

But then, when Terje realised he couldn’t get through to her, he decided to leave them too.

He tried to persuade his son to come with him, but Isak couldn’t just leave his mother on her own. However sad he was to see her like that, however scared and helpless he felt, however painful her words were to him when she went off on a rant about sinners and their need to repent, he just couldn’t abandon her.

So, Isak stayed. He stayed until he couldn’t sleep anymore, spending entire nights staring at the ceiling and listening for any alarming sound in the house. He stayed until he began to feel like the walls of the house were closing down around him, like he couldn’t breathe. 

Until this night.

He hadn't planned to leave her, he just needed to get out of the house, he just needed some air, some space. He needed to feel something, anything other than the crushing weight of a responsibility that was just too big for him to take.

So that night, he grabbed his phone, his wallet, put on a jacket and left when Marianne wasn't paying attention, too wrapped up in the words of the gospel to hear the front door slamming shut.

Isak walked as fast as he could to get away from the family home without drawing too much attention to himself by running like a lunatic through their quiet residential neighborhood. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do. He just needed to escape, if only for one night.

After walking for a long while, he found himself downtown in a busy neighborhood, its streets filled with people going in and out of bars and restaurants, walking in small groups laughing loudly on their way to a party or a club. It was Friday and Oslo was vibrating with the joy and the thrill of a night full of possibilities.

For a moment, it made Isak feel even more lonely, out of place. Something in the back of his mind kept telling him that he shouldn’t even be here, that he didn’t belong, that he didn’t even deserve to feel joy and have fun.

Where would he even go? Where would he be wanted, welcome?

He suddenly stopped in front of a bar that looked familiar. He had been here before, well not really in the bar because he hadn’t dared to go in that first time.

After weeks of hesitation - sometimes getting as close as to let his trembling thumb hover over the download button before shutting off his phone and throwing it away on his bed in shame - Isak had eventually installed Grindr on his phone one day.

It was only curiosity. It couldn’t hurt, right?

The moment he logged in, Isak had been overwhelmed by a wave of crude messages that almost made him delete the app immediately, but then, he eventually began to chat with a guy who seemed nice enough. Of course that guy wasn’t here to find his prince charming, and neither was Isak really. But at least he was willing to talk a little bit and not rush Isak who was obviously completely new to this. And after exchanging messages for a few days, he eventually asked Isak to meet in a bar downtown, assuring him that his young age wouldn’t be much of a problem, the place wasn’t very strict about it.

Isak had gotten ready that night, had put on nice clothes, tried to shut down his mother’s voice in his mind, telling him he was going to get punished for this and he got out of the house, hopping in the tram to meet this guy.

Isak had gotten to the address he’d been given, he had stood on the pavement on the other side of the street, watching men go in and out of the bar, some of them holding each other by the hand, the waist, kissing between two drags of their cigarettes. He didn’t know how long he had just stood there, completely petrified, but when his phone buzzed in his pocket and he saw a Grindr notification from the guy asking him if he’d be there soon, he turned around and ran away.

Isak didn’t think he’d find himself here again. What was it, some kind of sign? Or was it the universe making fun of him? Whatever had brought him here again, Isak decided that tonight he was going to be bold. What did he have to lose anyway?

So he took a deep breath and crossed the road before getting inside the bar. The atmosphere inside was hot and loud, a sharpening contrast with the cold and hazy autumn night Isak had been wandering through for the past hour or two. 

He crossed the room, feeling insistent looks on him as he elbowed his way through the crowd. Nobody seemed surprised to see him in this place, nobody stopped him to ask him how old he was or what he was doing here. No, he only saw interest and curiosity in the gazes that followed him.

Isak could feel his heart hammering in his chest, his knees a little wobbly as he walked on the sticky floor but he thought that it was too late to turn back now, and he certainly couldn’t let these men see just how terrified he was.

He finally made his way to the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked him up and down and Isak prepared himself to be thrown out, but the man eventually gave him a playful smirk before serving him the drink he’d ordered. That Grindr guy had been right, this place obviously didn’t care about serving underrage guys… 

So he drank his beer, then another, then some guy came up to him and offered him some kind of fruity cocktail. It was sickly-sweet but well, it did the job and that guy was not so bad to look at. He eventually left with his group of friends to continue the night in a club and left Isak on his own again with a second barely started on cocktail.

The longer the night went on, the stronger the drinks tasted, the drunker and more insistent the men were. This one was standing too close to Isak, the smell of his cologne too strong making him nauseous. He felt his warm breath against his skin when the man leaned against him and whispered in his ear things Isak’s foggy brain didn’t even manage to process. The man put his hand on the small of his back, squeezing his waist and Isak felt like he was going to throw up.

Isak tried to squirm out of his touch but his body wasn’t responding properly and the man only took his movement as an invitation to come even closer, to hold him tighter. Isak wanted to tell him to stop, to leave him alone but his voice came out so low and weak that he wasn’t even sure anybody had heard him speak.

“Alright that’s enough, I think he told you to stop.” he heard a voice say firmly, taking the man’s attention away from him for a moment.

Well, maybe someone did hear him after all.

“What the fuck do you want?!” the man all but barked back, “we’re kinda busy here so why don’t you go mind your own fucking business, eh?”

“And why don’t you go find someone your age before I call the cops on your creepy ass?!”

“Fuck off!” the man scoffed but Isak felt his hold on him getting weaker, more hesitant.

“What, you think I’m bluffing? Do you really want to find out?” the stranger challenged him.

“Alright you know what? You can have him.” the man snickered, “you too have fun…”

“Fuckin asshole…” the stranger muttered under an angry breathas he watched the man walk away.

"And you," he continued, turning to the bartender who was busy mixing some drinks, "what the hell are you doing letting him get completely trashed?"

"Dude it's Friday night, the place is packed…" the bartender said, gesturing to the room like he was just too busy to be bothered, "it's not my job to babysit him…"

"No," the stranger countered, "because he shouldn't even be here and that's  _ your _ fucking responsability!"

"Give me a break…" the bartender scoffed before walking away from them to bring their drinks to the customers at the other end of the bar.

The stranger took a seat on the stool next to Isak and observed him with maybe some kind of worry in his eyes, Isak wasn’t really able to tell. He couldn’t see straight, he just figured that the stranger looked young - well younger that the man who was seated at the same place only seconds ago - and kind. Maybe Isak was just projecting that because he’s just saved him from a really uncomfortable situation, but he felt at ease with that guy, like maybe he could trust him.

“Are you okay?” the stranger asked in what seemed to be like genuine concern.

“I’m fine…” Isak shrugged.

The stranger only hummed in response, before asking him, “How old are you?”

“Old enough…” Isak replied, trying to sit straighter, to make himself a little bit taller, a little less vulnerable.

“I doubt that…” the stranger scoffed, “But that's okay, you're not in trouble don't worry.”

His words seemed to have made Isak relax just a little bit, then he added, “Why don't I just take you home, alright?”

“No please I don't… I can't…” Isak blurted out, panicked at the thought of being brought back to his house and his mother seeing him in this state. He was sure she somehow would be able to know exactly where he had been all night, what he had done, and what part of his body he had let be touched by other men, “I can't go there. Please… please don’t take me there!”

“Okay, okay! It's alright, I won't…” the stranger said hurriedly, trying to calm Isak’s nervous rambling with a light squeeze of his shoulder, “shit um… how about we go to my place instead? How would you feel about that?”

“I thought I was too young for you…” Isak challenged him with a smirk that looked more like a weird grimace.

“I'm taking you there to sleep, that's it.” the stranger said firmly, almost as if he was scolding a willful child, “Okay?”

“Mmh… 'kay” Isak mumbled, feigning to be disappointed when in fact, he felt a wave of relief at the assurance that this guy really wasn’t trying to get into his pants like the rest of the men who had approached him that night. He could also very well be bullshiting Isak just to make him let his guard down, but again, Isak’s gut kept telling him that he could trust that guy.

“Good.” the guy said, and Isak thought he could sense the hint of a smile in his voice, “Can you stand up?”

“Of course I can stan…” Isak scoffed, rushing to get up from the stool he was sitting on, only to stumble on his own feet and fall over like a pathetic drunk. 

But the stranger was, yet again, here to his rescue and caught him in his arms before Isak could end up on his ass. He held him firmly, making sure he was alright, but never let his hands wander anywhere they had no place being on Isak’s body.

“Okay come here, I've got you.” he said, wrapping Isak’s arms around his own shoulders and holding him against his side to help him walk, “Let's go, one step at a time…”

He helped Isak walk through the bar that was even more crowded than when he arrived earlier. When they stepped outside, Isak breathed in the cold wind that had begun to pick up and he felt a little bit less nauseous.

The stranger managed to grab his phone in his pocket and call an Uber with one hand, while the other was still holding on to Isak, “Okay, it should be here in a minute.” he said to Isak who only groaned in response.

While they waited, the stranger made a call to someone he was obviously with earlier at the bar.

“Yeah I just left, I’m outside…” Isak heard him say on the phone, “Just so you know, I’m bringing someone home… No, not like that, the kid is completely out of it and he won’t let me take him home… Okay, see you tomorrow then… Goodnight.”

_ Well, seems like I’ve ruined his night, _ Isak thought.

Their ride arrived and they took place in the back of the car after a few minutes of discussion with the driver to promise him that _ no, his friend wasn’t going to puke in his car, and yes I’ll pay for the cleaning if he does _ … 

The moment the car started moving, Isak felt himself doze off and he let his head fall on the stranger’s shoulder, too tired and drunk to be feeling embarrassed. Well, given everything that had happened that night, he probably already was way past feeling embarrassed with this guy. Tomorrow morning however… But Isak had fallen asleep before he could even think about tomorrow.

He opened his eyes when he felt the stranger gently pat his arm, “Hey, wake up. We’re here.” he said just loud enough to wake him up but not to startle him. 

Isak wondered how long he’d slept and where they were. There could be all the way on the other side or town, or they even could have left Oslo for all he knew. No, from what he could perceive through his clouded vision, the neighborhood still looked like Oslo and the ride didn’t cost enough for them to have gone very far. 

He let the stranger help him get out of the car and lead him inside the apartment building, the elevator and then his apartment.

Isak didn’t see much of the place, he just heard the cracking sound of a wooden floor as the stranger dragged him along a corridor until they had reached a door, opened on an empty bedroom.

“That’s my roommate's bedroom, he’s not coming home tonight so you can sleep here” he explained before leading Isak inside and setting him on the bed, “I’ll be right back.”

Isak heard his host come and go, distant noises getting to him through the open door, before he came back in the bedroom.

"Here, I've put some water and aspirin on the nightstand. The bathroom is down the corridor, I left the light on just in case and um… my room is the one right across here" he said, pointing to the wall against the top of the bed, "so, I'll be here if you need anything okay?" he said as he helped Isak get under the blanket and make himself comfortable.

"m'kay..." Isak mumbled and tried to will his mouth into forming a smile but he was just too exhausted.

"I'll let you get some sleep now…" the stranger said, rising back up from his crouched position near the bed.

He walked towards the door, but just before he was about to step out of the bedroom, Isak managed to gather his last shreds of energy and consciousness, “Wait,” he called him.

“Yes?” the stranger stopped in his tracks and turned back to Isak from the threshold where he was now standing, the light in the corridor outlining his tall, slender silhouette like a shadow puppet.

“What… what’s your name?” Isak asked, having suddenly realized he had completely trusted another man with his own safety when he didn’t even know his first name.

“Even… my name’s Even.”

“Isak.” he simply answered.

“Nice to meet you Isak…” Even said, his voice low and soft, “sleep tight.”

_ Thank you Even, thank you so much for everything… Goodnight.  _ Isak thought, but he was too exhausted to form the words and breathe them past his lips.

So he just closed his eyes, feeling his head instantly spin with the amount of alcohol in his blood and all the events of that night. He knew there was a good chance he’d black out and forget most of what had happened when he would wake up in the morning, so he tried to hold on to the only thing he didn't want to forget. The only thing he wanted to be able to remember when he would open his eyes the day after.

_ His name is Even. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiii,  
> here I am already with a new story because apparently I just can't help myself!
> 
> Okay, I'll admit it I already added Eskild in the characters list even if he's not in this chapter, because I didn't want to spoil the little twist at the end... but he'll be in the story later ;)
> 
> Thank you a lot for reading, I hope you liked this first chapter! If you want to let me know what you thought, I'm always very happy to read your feedbacks!
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	2. Just breathe

Isak woke up feeling lost, completely disoriented.

The mattress he was lying on was more firm than his own, the sheets covering his body were softer and smelt fresh, like some kind of flowery detergent. Obviously, he didn’t sleep in his bed last night.

Isak didn’t know what time it was or how long he had slept, but he could see some dim light piercing through the closed blinds, just enough for him to know that he had slumbered through the night, and to make out some of his surroundings.

He saw only a few pieces of furniture, very little decoration on the walls, and couldn’t recognize the room he had slept in. Isak had clearly not spent the night at one of his friends either, so where was he?

He couldn’t remember exactly what had happened the night before, he only remembered feeling sad, feeling lost and alone and leaving his house to flee into the night.

And obviously he had drunk... a lot.

Isak felt his head pounding, his throat was so dry it almost hurt when he tried to swallow. Blinking his eyes, he looked around him and spotted a tall glass of water on the nightstand next to the bed. Isak crawled on the mattress to grab it, and drank the water in a few big mouthfuls, feeling some of the liquid run down his chin and his throat. When he had finished gulping it down, Isak put the glass back down on the nightstand and let out a deep sigh before crashing down on the bed and dozing off again the moment he closed his eyes.

*

Isak was in and out of sleep for probably a few hours, he couldn't really say. But when he eventually woke up again and, this time, felt somewhat strong enough to get up, he realized the light outside looked a lot brighter than before.

He managed to sit himself up in the bed with a grunt. He rubbed his eyes, then his temples, trying to clear his mind and his vision from the haze of alcohol he was still trapped in. Opening his eyes again, he noticed someone had refilled the glass of water he was sure he had drank at some point during the night. He also noticed the tablets of aspirin lying on the bedside table and took one with fresh water, knowing it would probably not be enough to get rid of the nasty headache that resulted from his night of heavy drinking.

Isak slipped out of the blanket and realised he was still wearing his clothes. He was uncomfortable, his jeans felt too tight, his tee-shirt reeked of smoke and alcohol he or someone else had probably spilled on his clothes, but then he was also relieved that whoever had brought him here, had not taken the liberty to undress him because, as he began to see more clearly and was able to make out the room he was in, Isak was now completely sure he had never been here before and had definitely no idea whose bed he had slept in.

Isak got up, his legs a little bit wobbly, his head reeling from standing up, and walked toward the door, half-opening it slowly to listen to any sound coming from the apartment. It was quiet, except for a distant humming. Deciding that it seemed safe enough to come out, Isak opened the door wider and stepped into the corridor, walking slowly, carefully towards the voice he was still hearing in another room. 

He followed the humming sound until he found himself standing in a kitchen, where a guy probably just a few years older than him, was sitting at a table, scrolling on his phone while he listened to some song on the radio. Isak blinked a few times, trying to collect all the foggy memories he could from the night before. The guy seemed tall and thin, he had blond hair, although shorter than Isak remembered but then again, he wasn’t sure he could trust his poor recollection of the night.

Isak cleared his throat awkwardly, not really knowing how he should announce his presence, causing the guy in front of him to snap his head up and meet his gaze. His eyes strangely immediately shone with an apparent delight to find him here.

“Morning sunshine!” the guy exclaimed with a wide, friendly smile, “this didn’t wake you up I hope” he said nodding towards the radio.

“Um no… no it’s fine.” Isak mumbled, feeling a little bit confused. There was something in this guy’s energy, in the high pitch of his voice that Isak couldn’t quite place. He didn’t sound like the guy he had met last night. Something was off, but then again, how much could Isak trust his own memories?

There was something he did remember though, something he recalled repeating over and over in his head before he fell asleep.

“You’re Even right?” he asked a little bit sheepishly.

“Who, me?” the guy guy almost shrieked, “I’m flattered you’d mistake me for Even… although he told me you were pretty drunk last night so maybe I shouldn’t be.” he laughed before noticing Isak’s confused look.

“I’m Eskild.” he then said with a soft smile.

“Isak.” he responded, growing more and more confused.

Eskild nodded and continued, “Even and I, we live together.”

“Oh. Okay…” Isak said, feeling suddenly weirdly uncomfortable, “like um… are you, boyfriends or something?” he asked, the word bringing a bitter taste on his tongue.

“Oh, no!” Eskild laughed, visibly amused, “we’re just roommates, that’s my bedroom you slept in.”

“Oh okay… Well, thanks, I didn’t mean to intrude, I'm sorry…” Isak stuttured.

“Don’t worry, I actually spent the night at my lovely ' _ not Even' _ boyfriend’s.” Eskild smirked, “so it’s totally fine, really.”

“Thank you.”

“You really need to stop thanking me, I didn’t do anything.” Eskild chuckled, “save that for Even, he just went out for a quick errand, he should be back soon. There are some clean clothes and a towel for you in the bathroom if you wanna grab a shower.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that… um, thanks” Isak chuckled awkwardly, waved off by Eskild who gave him a little playful wink before Isak turned around and headed to the bathroom.

*

Standing under the shower head, Isak let the warm water run down his tired out body and rid his skin of the remnants of the night before. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the events that had brought him here. He remembered leaving his house, leaving his mum by herself and walking around the city, he remembered a bar, a very crowded bar. He remembered how wrong he’d felt just being there. He remembered the deafening music and the alcohol flowing freely, he remembered the attention of other men, and then the insistent attention of one man in particular, he remembered the weight of his unwanted touches and felt suddenly a little dizzy again, a little out of breath.

But then, Isak also remembered this was when he met Even. He couldn’t recall how, or what exactly happened, but he remembered that this was the moment Even came up to him and after that, he didn’t feel scared or ill at ease anymore. From that moment, he had felt safe, he had felt like things would be okay. How did they get here to his and Eskild’s apartment, what did they say to each other and even what did he look like? Isak couldn’t tell. All he knew was that from that moment, there had only been Even and this feeling of calmness that took hold of him, reassuring him when he had been feeling his most vulnerable.

Stepping out of the shower, Isak put on the clothes that had been left there for him. A pair of comfortable sweatpants, a soft hoodie, both just a little bit too big for him, and a tee-shirt with the picture of Jesus on the cross on the front. Isak winced when he looked at himself in the mirror, the image of a Christ plastered on his chest. He tried not to let the words and verses he had run away from overwhelm him and cloud his mind.

_ It’s fine, it’s just a tee-shirt… _ Isak shrugged, pulling the hood on his damp curls before he got out of the bathroom to head back to the kitchen.

Isak made out two voices coming from the kitchen, two people talking to each other. Of course, he recognized Eskild’s voice after their conversation just minutes before. The other one was lower, deeper, and Isak felt some kind of odd anticipation buzzing inside of him when he realized, no, when he  _ remembered  _ that this voice was Even’s.

Isak paused for a moment, listening to the two roommates cursing the bar where Even had found him the night before, how they would let in young, obviously underrage guys and didn’t care when they ended up completely trashed and sometimes at the mercy of their older clientele.

“I mean, I tried to give a piece of my mind to that barman, you know the tall one with tattoos all over?”

“Alex.” Eskild stated.

“Maybe, whatever… well he just told me he wasn’t here to “babysit” him... seriously can you believe that?!” Even exclaimed, still sounding pissed off at the guy.

“Yeah doesn’t surprise me, he’s such a prick that one.” Eskild sighed.

“Right?!”

“Also he gives really bad head…  _ way  _ too much teeth, ugh!” 

“Eskild!!” Even protested with a laugh.

“What? It’s only the truth…”

“Yeah, well I really didn’t need to know that!” Even said, still chuckling at his friend's bluntness. 

“Oh hello.” Eskild cut their conversation off when he saw Isak standing at the kitchen door.

Isak gave him a little wave of his hand and was about to answer his greeting when Even turned around and left him completely speechless instead. 

_ How? _

How could he ever have forgotten him? Isak realised just how completely out of it he must have been the previous night, how clouded his mind and blurry his eyes must have been for him to forget that face, to forget that these full lips where those who had murmured reassuring words to him all the way from the bar to Eskild’s room, or these big beautiful blue eyes that must have looked at him with the same worry mixed with softness Isak could see inside them now.

Any sense of calmness Even had made him feel the night before was now gone. Instead, Isak was feeling his heartbeat picking up, his skin shivering, his entire body waking up with a new and mysterious sense of excitement. 

“How was the shower?” Eskild asked, pulling Isak out of his agitated contemplation.

He snapped out of it and saw that Eskild was looking at him with a small, teasing smile when he turned to him, “Um… it was nice, thank you. And thanks for the clothes…” he answered awkwardly, not knowing what to make of Eskild’s amusement.

“Again, nothing to thank me for, they’re all his.” Eskild nodded towards Even, “except for that tee-shirt, it’s my favourite so take good care of it baby J.”

“Huh?”

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Even asked, taking a step towards him.

“Um… good, I’m good… better yeah.” Isak stammered, feeling something swirl in his stomach at their sudden proximity.

“Good, I’m glad” Even said with a warm and earnest smile that instantly made Isak feel a little more at ease, “I was a bit worried for you last night”

“Oh fuck, I so sorry about yesterday… I completely ruined your night, I was such a mess… I’m sorry you had to take care of me, I mean, thank you,  _ really _ , but you really shouldn’t have had to…”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright” Even stopped his rambling, putting a cautious hand on Isak’s shoulder, “you didn’t ruin anything don’t worry. And we’re glad to have you here, right Eskild?”

“Of course we are, you can stay here as long as you want.” Eskild smiled.

“O- okay… thanks.” Isak murmured, a little bit overwhelmed by how these two guys he had just met were willing to welcome him in their home when they barely knew his name, when he had been nothing but a burden to them.

“So, why don’t you seat down,” Even continued, pulling a chair from the kitchen table, “and I’ll make us some coffee. I have a feeling you might need that, yeah?”

Isak nodded while he sat down, Eskild taking place in front of him.

“You must be hungry too,” Even said while he rummaged through the cupboard in search of the coffee, “it’s already almost 14:00… I could fix you a sandwich or something, does that sound good?”

“Oh yes, make one for me too please!” Eskild chipped in before Isak had time to protest and say that it was really too much and that he didn’t want Even to go through all that trouble for him.

“But… you had lunch like an hour ago!” Even turned to Eskild with an amused grin.

“Yes.” Eskild shrugged, “your point being?”

“Alright…” Even threw his hands up in defeat before opening up the fridge in search of the ingredients he needed.

Isak felt himself relax a little bit when Eskild gave him a knowing wink as if they were partners in crime. He smiled and sat back in the chair, accepting that maybe he could stay here a little while longer and making himself comfortable.

*

Isak listened to the two roommates' easy banter, to their lively conversation and Even’s deep and joyful laugh. He observed Even as he got busy preparing coffee and sandwiches, careful not to let his gaze wander on him for longer than was appropriate. But he just couldn’t help himself looking at him moving around in the kitchen, his long, lithe body seeming too tall to fit in this narrow space. Or was it just that around him, everything suddenly looked smaller and insignificant? The atmosphere in the flat seemed to be only buzzing with his energy, his voice filling every corner and crevice leaving no space for Isak to retreat.

Even sat down at the table next to Isak, oblivious to how the proximity of their bodies and the way he turned his head to look at him when Isak talked of laughed at one of Eskild’s excited rants, nevers failed to cause an irrepressible mayhem in Isak’s mind and electricity to run under every inch of his skin.

They talked for the entire afternoon, Eskild making a new pot of coffee when the one Even had prepared had turned cold, the two friends keeping the conversation light and fun, careful to make sure Isak was always feeling comfortable, never trying to know more than what he was ready to give them just yet.

“Alright boys…” Eskild declared, getting up from his chair and looking out through the window at the slowly darkening sky, “I would absolutely love to continue this delightful chat but I’m afraid I must leave you. I was just here to pick some stuff up, but now I’m off. Baby J, feel free to stay if you want to, my room is yours.” he continued, heading towards the bedroom where Isak heard him rummage through some drawers

“I guess um… maybe I should go too.” Isak mumbled, battling between his desire to stay just a little bit longer here with Even and his fear to overstay his welcome.

“Oh.” if Isak didn’t know any better, he could swear Even looked a little bit disappointed, “sure… but like Eskild said, you’re welcome to stay, if you want to of course. I mean, there’s plenty of room for you so…”

“I… I wouldn’t want to... I don’t know, invade his space or anything.” Isak said, “I can find somewhere else to stay, at a friend’s or whatever…”

“You wouldn’t invade anything” Even reassured him, “Eskild is practically not living here anymore. He still has some stuff here but he’s moving in with his boyfriend so…”

“Oh, right…” Isak then understood why the room looked so bare, nothing like the flamboyant personality Eskild exuded. 

“Yeah… so if you wanna crash here, no worries really.” Even shrugged.

“Okay…” Isak all but whispered.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll stay… if it’s alright.”

“Sure, that’s chill.”

“That’s chill…” Isak repeated, a small, shy smile playing on his lips.

A few minutes later, Eskild was out of the apartment, after making sure to give a tight hug to both Even and Isak, as if he was leaving on a long journey and wouldn’t see them again for ages. 

“So long my dears,” he waves dramatically, “Even take good care of that little cutie, and please you two don’t have too much fun without me!” 

He blew them a few last kisses before going out through the front door and swinging it shut behind him, leaving the apartment suddenly a lot more quiet. 

“So, that was Eskild…” Even said, breaking the silence with a chuckle.

“Yeah he… he’s really nice, he’s funny.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty fun to live with.” Even smiled, his mind seeming to be suddenly elsewhere, probably reminiscing some of their times together, that part of their lives that was soon to come to an end.

They migrated to the living room, sitting on both ends of the comfortable couch, some music playing in the background. Even was telling him more funny stories about Eskild, his deep velvety voice and bright smile once again managing to make Isak feel comfortable, even if he didn’t seem to be able to shake off the buzzing feeling erupting in his stomach every time he looked at Even.

“So um…” Even hesitated a moment before asking carefully, “how are you feeling after yesterday?”

“Still a bit hungover,” Isak scoffed “but um… more than that I feel pretty stupid for drinking like that and everything…” he said looking down at his lap, embarassed at the memories that had came back to him during the day, the events at the bar, the way Even had had to take care of him… 

“Hey don’t,” Even protested, while scooting just a little bit closer to him, “you’re not stupid but you… you were obviously upset… I mean, when I offered to take you home you seemed really nervous.”

Even paused for a moment, taking in Isak embarrassed shrug, the way he worriedly bit his lower lip, before he asked slowly, “Is everything alright at home, do you… do you want to talk about it?”

“No… it’s not really okay, no.” Isak sighed.

He looked up at Even to find his gaze already on him, attentive, supportive, patient. A gaze that said,  _ I’m here, I’m listening, you can trust me _ . 

So, Isak took in a deep breath, “I’m living alone with my mum,” he began, “and she’s… not doing well. She’s ill, like… mentally ill and um… I didn’t know how to manage this, her, on my own…”

“What about you dad?” Even asked.

“He left… First my sister Lea left, then my dad.” Isak explained, fighting a sob, “so there was just me and her and I tried, I really tried but… it was getting too hard taking care of her and handling her when she… when she...”

_ When she gets paranoid and refuses to leave the house for days because she’s convinced our neighbours are trying to harm her, when she barely recognises me, when she looks at me as if I was a complete stranger, when her words become like knives through my heart, when she insults me, invalidates my mere existence without even knowing it because I could never tell her that I… that I’m… _

“It’s alright,” Even suddenly pulled him out of his whirling thoughts by gently putting his hand on Isak’s shoulder, giving it a light, comforting squeeze. 

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” Isak blurted out, not knowing exactly who he was apologizing to, to Even, for ruining his Friday night out with friends and crashing at his place, forcing him to take care of Isak, or to his mum, for leaving her alone when he had promised himself he wouldn’t be a coward like his dad and abandon her. 

“You have nothing to feel sorry for.” Even murmured and somehow, he seemed to have understood Isak inner confusion, “I told you I didn’t mind having you here at all, you can stay as long as you need to and… It was okay for you to leave you know.... It was,” Even insisted when Isak scoffed bitterly, “you shouldn’t have to be responsible for your parents, you… how old are you?”

“I’m um… seventeen.” Isak confessed timidly even though Even had obviously figured he was a minor the night before and that it was precisely the reason he had taken him away from the bar.

“Right, so you shouldn’t have to take care of your mother. This is your father’s responsibility, not yours. He should never have left you alone to deal with that.”

“But now I’m just like him, I’ve abandoned her just like he did…” Isak almost cried out, trying to calm his uneven breathing and to fight the tears that were coming to his eyes.

“You’re not like him, and you didn’t… you care, I can see that but you also needed to take care of yourself, to protect yourself.” Even continued, the combination of his low voice and the touch of his hand still on his shoulder beginning to soothe Isak’s worry just a little, “you can’t take care of her, you can’t help her if you feel like you’re drowning. You know what they say when they give you all those safety instructions before flying? If there’s a problem, you have to make sure that you’re safe and that you have oxygen before you can help others. Right now, all you need is to make sure that  _ you  _ can breathe, okay?”

“Okay…” Isak nodded weakly.

Isak felt exhausted after their talk, emotionally drained and again, Even seemed to have felt it because he didn’t try to get Isak to talk more, didn’t push the subject any further. Instead, he fixed them some dinner before browsing through Netflix until they found something they’d both enjoy, making themselves comfortable on the couch again, sitting just a little bit closer than they were before.

They watched a movie in silence, sharing only small smiles when their eyes met because they both glanced at the other at the same time. Isak felt his body beginning to relax again, the heavy weight pressing on his lungs lift off just slightly.

_ Make sure that you can breathe. _

Isak had been feeling like he was suffocating for so long but at that moment, in the comfort and safety of this apartment, with Even next to him, he thought that maybe, just maybe he could try to do that.

_ Just breathe. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> This second chapter took a while so, I hope it was worth the wait... As always, feel free to tell me what you thought, I'm always happy to read your feedbacks.
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	3. Goldilocks

When Isak woke up on Sunday morning, he was feeling a lot more tranquil than the day before.

The bedroom he woke up in still seemed a little bit foreign and he needed a second or two, just a few blinks of his heavy eyelids to collect his thoughts, but he was not lost anymore, he knew exactly where he was.

Isak got out of bed and pulled the curtains open, letting the warm autumn light flood the room. He found his clothes, those he had been wearing on friday night, washed and neatly folded on top of the desk. Isak put his hand on top of the pile of clothes, he let his fingertips brush the soft clean fabric, but after a moment of hesitation, he decided to grab Even’s sweater and hoodie instead and put them back on before he headed out of Eskild’s bedroom.

Just like the day before, he was drawn to the kitchen by the sound of the radio but this time, it was Even he found, bobbing his head to the beat of the song playing while he busied himself in front of the stove.

Isak stood immobile at the kitchen doorway. He knew he should say something, but he couldn’t help taking a moment to observe Even in his own little bubble, unaware of Isak’s presence. He smiled at the way his dark blond hair were sticking in all directions, his elaborate hairstyle ruined after a night pressed on his pillow, he watched the movement of his arms as he stirred whatever he was cooking, the way it stretched the simple white cotton t-shirt he was wearing against his back, he let his eyes wander further down, following the light sway of his hips on the rhythm of the song on the radio. 

When the song abruptly stopped, replaced by the jolly high pitched voice of the show host, he jumped and looked up to see that, to his relief, Even was still facing the stove and didn’t notice Isak creeping on him from the opened door or how flushed he probably looked.

“Hi…” Isak cleared his voice, hearing how hoarse the first words he voiced sounded.

Even turned his head swifty and welcomed him with a beaming smile.

“Halla! I’m making eggs for breakfast, want some?” when Isak nodded, he continued, “cool, sit down, there’s coffee on the table, this should be ready in a minute.” Even turned back to his pan but Isak could still hear the smile in his voice.

“Did you sleep well?” Even asked him as Isak was pouring coffee in a chipped cup decorated with little flowers. Isak smiled, thinking that he would have imagined this kind of crockery at his grandmother’s, more than in the apartment of a twenty something guy.

“Yeah, I really did.” he answered, “best I’ve had in a while actually.”

Isak had had trouble sleeping for weeks now, pretty much ever since his dad decided to leave the house. Isak would spend hours tossing and turning in his bed, staring at the ceiling or watching episode after episode of Netflix shows, just to occupy his troubled mind. When he would finally succeed to doze off, his sleep was broken every other hour, leaving him perpetually exhausted during the day. But that night, he had managed to sleep soundly, and not because he was almost passed out drunk like the one before. No, because he had felt something that he had been missing for a long time now, a sense of safety, of something resembling home.

“Good, I’m glad.” Even smiled, that warm, earnest smile of his, as he sat opposite Isak on the kitchen table and put a plate in front of him.

“Thanks.” Isak immediately dug in, and was unable to hold the appreciative moan he made at the first bite “that’s really good!”

“Yeah, you think?” Even beamed, looking at Isak his chin resting on his hand.

He let out a pleased laugh when Isak only hummed in response, already chewing another mouthful. “How do you do that?” Isak eventually asked between two bites.

“There’s a secret ingredient.” Even said 

“What is it?”

“Wearing my clothes, trying to steal my secret family recipe… what’s next Goldilocks, you’re gonna take over my bed too?” Even said mischievously.

Isak froze, feeling his cheeks blush furiously, not knowing if it was because Even had pointed out he was still wearing his clothes or because of the image of him sleeping in Even’s bed that flashed through his mind if only for a second. 

“Goldilocks, what the fuck?” he chuckled, “yeah and, um… sorry about the clothes…” he stuttered before Even just waved him off.

“Suits you.” he shrugged.

“What, the nickname or the hoodie?”

“Both.” Even smiled.

“Fuck off…” Isak scoffed, before clearing his throat to try and collect himself “Also, what is it with you and Eskild giving me weird names? What did he call me again? Ah yeah, Baby J… do you two always do that to the new people you meet?” he chuckled.

“Only the ones we like.” Even answered and winked at him, well Isak figured this strange blink of both his eyes was supposed to be a wink and thought it was probably the most ridiculous and endearing thing he had ever seen, before quickly shaking the thought off of his mind.

“So um…” Even fiddled with the coffee cup between his hands, “have you thought about what you’re gonna do now?”

“I don’t know, I… I don’t think I can go back home.” Isak said in a quivering breath.

“You’re welcome to stay here… if you want.” Even offered prudently.

“I don’t… I don’t want to bother you or anything I mean… You really don’t have to feel obligated to…”

“I don’t feel obligated to anything” Even stopped his rambling, “besides,  _ you  _ would be the one doing  _ me  _ a favor. I was supposed to look for a new roommate ever since Eskild told me he was moving out to live with his boyfriend Mads, but um… I kinda always put it off again and again so… what do you think?”

“I, uh… yeah, that’d be nice” Isak nodded, “but I think I’ll have to ask my dad to help me with rent… I mean he’d owe me that much.”

“That’s right.” Even chuckled, “anyway, whatever you decide, you’re welcome here until you find a solution.”

“Thank you Even… I mean, for everything, thank you.” Isak said, his gaze dropping down to his coffee cup, afraid that he he was to hold Even’s for too long, he would see just how raw Isak feelings were.

“You’re welcome Goldilocks.” Even said with a small chuckle, once again easing whatever tension and uneasiness Isak was feeling.

“Okay that’s it, I’m out of here.” Isak grumbled, standing up as if he was really about to walk away, only to grab both their cups and make a few steps to the sink to wash them, Even amused laughter resounding behind him.

*

They spent the day hanging out in the apartment as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if they had already spent a thousand lazy Sunday afternoons together before.

Isak told Even that he was in his third year of high school and went to Nissen, that he’d like to study something in the scientific field when he’d to University the next year but that with everything that had happened in the last few weeks, he hadn’t had the time to really think about it. 

He told him about his group of friends - about Jonas who had been his best friend since kindergarten, about Magnus and his terrible luck with girls, about Mahdi who was pretty much the chillest guy he’d ever met - and how they had all quickly become an inseparable little group the moment they met the year before.

Even told Isak that he was in his second year at uni in media studies, he told him about his passion for films, how he’d long dreamt of becoming a great director like his icon Baz Luhrmann.

“The guy who makes over the top, sappy movies? What kind of pretentious movie taste is that?” Isak mocked him.

“How dare you? His movies are epic, spectacular… Okay that’s settled, we’re gonna have a Baz movie night, you need to be shown what real cinema is.” Even stated firmly accepting no argument, as though Isak staying there long enough for them to plan a movie night was an irrefutable fact that didn’t need to be discussed any further.

They asked each other various questions in turns about their friends, their hobbies, the places they’d like to travel to one day or their favourite foods… Simple, innocent questions that carefully avoided anything that could seem too intimate, too personal, with for only aim to get a better picture of the other, to draw a map of his interests and experiences and thus discerning which kind of territory this new blooming relationship was going towards.

“Okay um…” Even thought out loud, “what kind of music do you listen to?”

“I like 90’s hip-hop… I’m a big N.W.A fan.”

“Oh yeah?” Even raised his bows and smiled, seeming pleased with Isak’s response.

“Yeah, that’s what you listen to when you wanna feel tough, you know…”

“Is it something you often need? To feel tough?” Even asked, the joyful spark in his eyes suddenly replaced by a more careful, attentive gaze, that was almost too intense for Isak to hold.

“Sometimes…” he shrugged.

Could Even see that he wasn’t telling the truth? That  _ sometimes  _ actually meant  _ pretty much all the time _ , everywhere and with everyone? Could he even understand?

_ Of course not, you don’t know what it is to walk around all day hiding your pain, hiding who you are… you’re fucking perfect. _ Isak thought.

“Mmh… I get that.” Even murmured, looking away pensively and for just a fraction of a second, Isak thought that he saw something like a hint of sadness wash over his face.

_ Do you? _

*

After Even had left for uni on Monday morning, Isak decided to stay at his flat and not go to school. He wasn’t feeling ready to see his friends and explain them all that had happened over the weekend, especially not Jonas who had been sending him plenty of texts to know what he was up to, only getting vague answers from Isak in return.

He also had to prepare himself to call his dad, to tell him that he had left home, that he had left his mum on her own and that he needed his help paying rent because he wasn’t ready to go back there just yet. They hadn’t talked for a while and this was just too much.

It was all too much, and Isak didn’t even have his books and other school stuff that were in his bedroom at the house anyway. So he decided to take advantage of the fact that he was still very far from the tolerated 10% absentee rate this early in the year and skipped this day of school altogether.

Isak paced up and down the empty apartment, holding his phone against his chest and throwing glances at the screen every other minute, maybe hoping that he would receive a call or a text that would divert him from the conversation he was dreading to have with his father.

After he had aimlessly walked across all the rooms of the flat, well, except Even’s bedroom of course, Isak finally stood still in the middle of the living room. He scrolled through his contact to find his father’s number and after taking a long, deep breath, he pressed the call button.

“Isak? Hei, is everything okay?” Terje asked the moment he answered, visibly surprised to get a call from his son.

“Yeah, I’m fine but… Mamma is not doing well and…”

“I know Isak” Terje said before Isak could even finish, “and you know I’ve tried to get her the help she needed…”

“What do you mean you’ve tried?! You didn’t even insist and bailed on us the moment it got too difficult!” Isak spat, already fuming in anger.

“Isak, don’t talk to me like that.” his father said sternly.

“Then do something about it!” Isak felt his voice beginning to crack, “You have to take care of her Pappa, I can't… I can’t do that by myself. Also I um…”

“Yes?” Terje asked when Isak hesitated.

“I left home this weekend and I don’t think I can go back to live alone with her Pappa I…”

“Oh Isak…” Terje sighed, “You know I would love to have you here, I really wanted you to come with me but the apartment I found doesn’t have a second bedroom and it’s far from NIssen, it wouldn’t be handy for you and…”

Isak scoffed, glad not to be actually in front of his father so he didn’t have to hold back his eye roll. Of course Terje wouldn’t want to take responsibility for his son on his own, of course he didn’t want him even though he had pretended otherwise. Isak began to feel the prickling sensation of tears gathering behind his eyelids, because as much as he thought he had managed to deal with his father leaving him behind, as much as he thought he was over it, it still hurt to feel that Terje didn’t want him. But then, there was  _ someone  _ who actually did want to share his home with Isak.

“That’s not what I meant Pappa,” he cut Terje’s rambling off, “I've actually found a place, a room in a flatshare. I just need money for the rent and groceries and that’s it.”

“Isak, aren’t you a little too young to live in a flatshare?” Terje protested, “also who else lives there, do you know them? I don’t know how I feel about that…”

“It’s just one other person, he’s a student, not a serial killer and he’s really nice, he um…” Isak stopped himself before he could let anything slip of the circumstances of their first encounter and felt suddenly very weird about telling Terje about Even, “also what do you mean too young? I’ve been taking care of myself and Mamma without your help for weeks now, don’t you think I was  _ too young  _ for that?!”

“Okay, okay Isak calm down,” Terje tried to calm him but the words infuriated Isak even more, “alright, just tell me how much you need and I’ll transfer you the money every month. But you need to keep me updated on school and on how you’re doing, okay?”

“Sure.” Isak grunted, “but you have to do something about Mamma too.” he added.

“Yes, of course. I’ll take care of it, I promise.”

Isak didn’t have much faith in father’s promises anymore but he didn’t really have much choice but to trust he would do the right thing this time.

“Okay, I um… I’ll text you later when I’ve gotten a lease and everything. Thanks Pappa, bye.” Isak blurted out and hung up the phone before Terje could add anything. He had gotten everything he wanted from that conversation, his father’s word to take care of Marianne, and the possibility for him to stay here and live with Even, he didn’t need to hear anything more.

*

Isak’s conversation with his father had left him angry and exhausted.

He had spent a long time hanging around in the quiet apartment, wondering what he should do next, fearing what he had to do next. But he knew he couldn’t avoid it.

If Isak was going to move in here, he needed his clothes, he needed his computer and his school books. And that meant he had to go back to his parent’s home and get them.

Isak put on his shoes and his jacket, grabbed the set of keys Even had left for him on the coffee table in the living room and left the apartment. When he arrived in the building’s lobby, he took a deep breath before opening the front door and stepping out. He had spent almost three days in the safety of Even’s apartment and found himself a little bit nervous at the idea of going out on his own and making the trip to the place he had decided to flee.

He quickly found the nearest bus stop and figured out the simplest itinerary to get to the family home and about thirty minute later, Isak was back in the neighborhood where he grew up. The surroundings feeling still so familiar but at the same a bit foreign already, as if Isak had left a year ago and not merely three days.

A wave of sadness washed over him when he finally stood in front of the Valtersen family home. The mailbox was overflowing with letters and leaflets, the garden which had been his mother’s pride and joy for as long as he could remember looked abandoned - high grass swaying in the cool breeze and flowers replaced by weeds - and of course, all the blinds were still shut, the house looking like it was still in a deep sleep in the middle of the day.

Isak unlocked the front door and got inside the house, where he was greeted only by dimness and silence.

Not willing to stay there for longer than absolutely necessary, Isak headed straight to his bedroom. He hurried to open his closet and grab all the clothes he needed, throwing them in a big backpack without taking the time to fold them, before adding school manuals and notebooks on top of them, he then grabbed his laptop on his desk and shoved it into his schoolbag.

When he had found everything he needed, Isak stood in the middle of his bedroom for a moment, taking in his half empty drawers, his messy bed that he had just stripped of its sheets and he wondered if he would ever come back to this bedroom, if he would ever sleep in this bed again, smoke at the window in secret in the middle of the night, or if this was really goodbye for good.

Shaking off the thought, Isak got out of his room and walked down the dark corridor, determined to leave the house and go back to Even’s apartment. But when he walked past his parents’ bedroom and noticed the door was ajar, he couldn’t help stopping his steps. Isak hesitated for a moment, he contemplated just leaving without turning back, but after maybe a minute or two, he eventually put his bags down on the floor and pushed slowly on the door which opened with a faint creaquing. 

“Mamma?” Isak called softly.

There was no response but as Isak stepped inside the bedroom, he found Marianne seated at her dressing table, brushing her long hair that was flowing down her back and shoulders.

Isak felt his heart pinching at the sight, overwhelmed with memories of his childhood when he would stay next to his mamma, and watch her, fascinated, as she sat at that very table and brushed her long fair blond hair. Their eyes would sometimes meet in the mirror and Marianne would give him a smile, a wink or blow a kiss to his reflexion. 

He remembered thinking it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen and that was why he had decided to let his hair grow too, just like Marianne. Terje had never liked to see his son with long hair and often tried to convince him to cut it. The kids at school made fun of him, telling him he looked like a girl, except for Jonas of course who was always there to defend him. But Isak didn’t care, it didn’t matter next to Marianne’s smile when she looked at his golden curls, when she ran her hand through them and told him he was the most beautiful boy in the world no matter what the other said.

In those moments, Marianne made him feel like he could do anything, be anything he wanted to be because she would always love him and support him, no matter what.

“Mamma?” Isak asked again, his voice strangled with tears.

When Marianne looked up in the mirror to see who the voice she’d heard behind her belonged to, Isak hopped, just for a moment, that maybe he would find her again. He hopped that when she would see him, her eyes would find that impish sparkle again, that she would blow him a kiss or call him by her side, inviting him to rest his head on her lap just like when he was a kid, that she would slowly, tenderly stroke his hair, comforting him with motherly words of love.

But when their eyes met, Marianne frowned at him instead, as if she had no idea who he was or what he was doing here. She looked at Isak as if he was a stranger, an intruder in the intimacy of her home.

“I’m sorry… it’s okay, I’ll just go.” Isak stuttered, “goodbye Mamma.”

Before Marianne could say anything, Isak turned around and left her bedroom. He quickly grabbed his stuff in the hallway and hurried out of the house, walking away as fast as he could while carrying his two heavy bags, the weight of his entire life pulling on his shoulders.

*

Isak got back to Even’s appartement and dropped his bags down on the floor, letting out the deepest sigh, as if he had been holding his breath until that moment. 

He looked around him, taking in the place where he was going to live from now on, and not alone, he was going to live here… with Even.

Isak was alone in the apartment but still, he could see Even’s presence everywhere. There was the cup he left on the kitchen counter that morning, still half filled with tea that had now turned cold because he had left in a hurry, the little drawings pinned on a wall with cartoon versions of Eskild, of Even himself and Isak guessed of some of their friends - inside jokes that he couldn’t understand but still made him smile - there was the huge DVD collection Isak studied for a moment, filled with movies he didn’t know but wondered if he would someday watch with Even, and then, there was one of his hoodies lying on the backrest of a chair. 

Isak grabbed the dark blue hoodie, the thick cotton soft against the palm of his hands, and ever so slowly brought it closer to his face until he could smell just a hint of Even’s perfume lingering on the fabric.

Isak suddenly heard the sound of a key unlocking the front door of the apartment. Startled, he let the hoodie fall down on the floor, “Fuck!” he muttered, picking it up and putting it back on the chair before Even stepped into the living room.

“Halla!” he greeted Isak with a wide smile, apparently oblivious to the blush that was covering Isak’s face, the discreet evidence of what he had just almost been caught in the act doing.

“H… um, hi” Isak answered, awkwardly clearing his throat.

Even was about to say something else when his eyes landed on the two bags Isak had brought back from his house, lying there on the floor. If it was even possible, his smile grew even bigger.

“Is that your stuff? Does that mean that you’re staying?”

“Um yeah…” Isak said nervously, “I’m sorry I should have let you know before basically moving in but I… I talked to my dad and he agreed to help me with rent and everything so… If your offer still stands… yeah, I’d like to stay.”

“Of course it still stands.” Even nodded enthusiastically, and before Isak could even process what was happening, Even had him wrapped in a warm hug. After just a second of surprise that had left him frozen, Isak let himself relax into Even’s embrace, enveloped in his arms and the dizzying smell of his perfume, stronger on the warm skin of his neck that it had been on the hoodie Isak had been holding just a minute before.

“This calls for a toast!” Even exclaimed when he pulled away from their hug, before he headed to the kitchen.

Isak joined him and watched Even take two fresh beers from the fridge and uncap the bottles before giving him one. 

“Welcome home, Goldilocks.” Even winked at him when they clinked their bottles together.

“Fuck off…” Isak rolled his eyes, “I swear the next time you call me that I’m throwing  _ you  _ out.” he said playfully and was rewarded by Even’s deep and melodious laugh.

Their banter was soon cut off when they heard the ring of the doorbell.

“Were you expecting someone?” Isak asked when Even sighed.

“Shit, I forgot… yeah, sorry hold on a moment.”

Even put his beer down on the counter and rushed out of the kitchen. Isak heard him open the front door and greet someone before he reappeared with a pretty girl with short blond hair and bright blue eyes, her arm wrapped around his waist. Her smile faltered just slightly when she saw Isak, a confused look in her eyes.

“This is Isak” Even announced, “he’s gonna take Eskild’s old room and live here now. Isak this is Sonja, my girlfriend.”

“Oh, hi… um, nice to meet you.” Isak said, trying to ignore the way his heart had suddenly sunken into his chest.

“Yeah, you too.” Sonja smiled, shaking his hand.

They chatted for a few minutes, Sonja telling Even about her uneventful day at work, drinking from his bottle of beer, asking Isak about what he was doing and raising her eyebrows in surprise when he told her he was still in high school. Feeling increasingly uncomfortable under Sonja’s inquisitive gaze, Isak gulped down the last few sips of his drink and excused himself.

“I should start unpacking so um… I’ll leave you too.” he mumbled awkwardly.

He saw that Even was going to say something, most certainly to protest and tell him he could of course stay but Sonja beat him to it before he could “Sure, we’ll see you later then. It was really nice meeting you Isak.”

“Right… see you later.” Isak kind of waved and retreated to Eskild’s room, or well,  _ his  _ room now. He didn’t unpack his stuff, didn’t even open his bags. Instead, he just crashed on his bed and let out a tired sigh, gazing up at the ceiling, following the cracks in the paint just to focus his mind on something, anything else that the uneasy feeling swirling in his stomach everytime he thought about the moment Even introduced Sonja to him.

_ This is Sonja, my girlfriend. _

_ This is fine, this is fine _ , Isak repeated himself. Why would it make him feel uncomfortable? Why would he care?

The muffled voices of Even and Sonja coming from the living room suddenly sounded a little bit louder and Isak thought it almost sounded like they were… arguing? 

Isak tried to resist, it really wasn’t any of his business, but his curiosity took the better of him. He got up from his bed and took a few steps to the bedroom door, pressing his ear against the cool wood to try and pick up a few snatches of their conversation.

“So, you’re gonna live with a kid now?”

“Oh come on Sonja, he’s barely younger than us… is  _ that  _ why you’re so pissed off?”

“No it’s just that… You had been living with Eskild for two years and when he said he was going to move out, I thought maybe that you… that we…”

“What?”

“Nothing, whatever...”

Isak walked away from the door and plopped back down on his bed. He rummaged through his schoolbag to find his headphone, opened Spotify on his phone and blocked the distant sound of the couple’s voices with some N.W.A.

So much for a housewarming party…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops, look who's there... sorry! Still, I hope you enjoyed this new chapter :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for your kind feedbacks on the previous chapter, they really warmed my heart a lot <3
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


	4. New normal

Isak didn’t take the tram to Nissen that next morning, it was a long walk but he had time. He had woken up way earlier than the hour he had set his alarm on, and took the opportunity to get ready before Even would have woken up too. He had left for school without taking the time to have breakfast or even just a coffee. He hadn’t wanted to risk running into Even and Sonja in the kitchen, sharing sleepy kisses over a cup of tea, looking at each other with half hooded loving eyes.

They had gone out for drinks with their friends the night before and Isak had heard them come back, together, later in the night. Did they wake him up or wasn’t he even sleeping in the first place? Isak couldn’t say. For the first time since he had ended up crashing at Even’s, he’d had another unseasy night, unable to sleep soundly, to calm his troubled thoughts.

Even in his state of fatigue, Isak hadn't needed much time to debate what to do that morning, he had gotten dressed, grabbed his backpack with the stuff he needed for school and left the silent apartment discreetly before anyone could notice.

So now he was walking, taking in this neighborhood he already knew but was now seeing differently, as  _ his _ neighborhood. He created a new route between the place where he now lived and his school, a new habit that would soon seem familiar. He wondered how many times he would walk that path, for how long this would be his new normal, his everyday life. Would it be weeks? Months? Until his graduation? Would he ever go back to his family house and call it home again?

When he arrived at Nissen, the hallways were almost empty except for the teachers getting ready to start the day and a few students wandering around or finishing a paper probably due for the first class of the day. Isak headed to the cafeteria where he got something to eat and scrolled through facebook, instagram and then facebook again as he waited for the bell to announce the beginning of the first period.

*

"Where were you?" Jonas asked the moment Isak plopped down next to him in class.

"The cafeteria." he shrugged.

"I didn't mean right now - also what were you doing at the cafeteria so early? Anyway - I meant this weekend, you barely answered my texts. And yesterday too, why weren't you in school? Were you sick or something?"

“No, no I’m fine…” Isak tried to brush off his best friend’s concerns, but he could feel his heavy, inquisitive look still on him as he busied himself getting his notebook from his bag.

“It’s just that…” he began, knowing there was no avoiding Jonas questions forever, especially since so much had changed this weekend and he knew he had to tell him about eventually, “there was just… stress with my mother again and…”

“What happened?” Jonas asked, his voice worried, knowing how Isak was hurting since his father left, even though his friend only seldom talked about it.

“I um…” Isak looked up when he heard their English teacher enter the classroom and put her handbag down on her desk with a long, already exasperated sigh, “could we maybe talk about that later?”

“Yeah, yeah sure.” Jonas nodded and opened his textbook at the page their teacher was indicating them.

They didn't talk for the rest of the class but, from the corner of his eye, Isak could see Jonas turn his head and cast quick glances at him from time to time. He pretended not to see, didn’t want to look back at him and see the worry in his eyes, his big, bushy eyebrows drawn together in questions Isak wasn't sure he was ready to answer just yet.

“So, um… I’ll see you at lunch?” Jonas asked when they got out of class, walking backwards so as to not lose sight of Isak until he agreed to meet him later, before they both headed to their next classes.

*

When he stepped into the cafeteria for the second time that day a few hours later, Jonas was indeed already waiting for him there, making big gestures as soon as their eyes met to signal his presence at their usual table in a corner of the room.

"Hey." Isak mumbled as he sat down in front of him.

"Hey, how was the rest of your morning?" Jonas asked, his voice suspiciously gleeful.

"Kinda boring..." Isak shrugged, "but I did beat Sana at that biology test we had last week." he said and couldn't help the small, smug grin that lifted the corner of his mouth at the memory of Sana's outraged look when she saw their results.

"Nice!" Jonas exclaimed, giving him a celebratory high-five.

They continued to talk about their morning for a few minutes, Jonas didn't press him but Isak could sense this odd feeling of expectancy lingering between them.

"So um... about that weekend." he started.

"Yeah?" Jonas encouraged him, "what happened, is your mum alright?"

"Not really no." Isak frowned, "Nothing happened really but I just... I couldn't deal with it anymore so I left."

"What do you mean you left?"

"I left the house, I… I moved out." Isak said in a shaky breath, looking up at his friend expecting to find Jonas looking at him with pity or disappointment but of course he was doing nothing of the sort. He simply nodded, listening to Isak with nothing but patience and understanding like he always did. "That's why I was kinda MIA this weekend and didn't come to school yesterday, I had to get my stuff and you know, settle into this new place so..."

"Wait, you found a place? How?"

_ I went out on friday night and ended up getting completely trashed in a gay bar where I almost went to met a guy I didn't know a while ago, back when I was trying to move on because I had this huge fucking crush on you and knew you would never like me back that way. I got hit on by a creepy older dude who had his hands all over me because I was too drunk to say no and then I was rescued by the kindest, most beautiful guy I've ever met who brought me to his home and took care of me like no one had in a long time -- maybe ever -- and now I live with him. _

"I um... I found this poster in a café in Løkka that  _ said room available in a flatshare bla bla bla _ ... so I called, looked the place up and that was it."

Isak had only panicked for a couple of seconds before coming up with this story and telling it to Jonas with his usual ease. He had become so good at that, at lying, telling stories, hiding who he was or what he felt. He could fool everyone around him so easily now, even Jonas. It had become almost second nature to him, a reflex controlled by this little voice in the back of his head that kept telling him  _ they can't know, don't let them see _ .

"Okay..." Jonas answered pensively, "but, why didn't you just call me? You could have come to my place for a few days. You know my parents would have been fine with that. You're always welcome to stay, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah of course but... I don't think this is only for a few days you know?"

Jonas hummed thoughtfully, nodding his head as he took in everything Isak had just told him, "So, how are your roommates?" he eventually asked.

"It's just this one guy, he's a student at UiO in media and um... yeah." Isak answered vaguely, feeling his heart suddenly speed up. Isak couldn't understand why but it felt weird, almost too intimate to tell Jonas about his new roommate all of a sudden. It felt almost scary, as if Jonas would somehow be able to figure out something about Isak he didn't even understand himself yet.

"Okay... and?” Jonas chuckled, “What's his name?"

"Even. His name is Even." Isak's answer was met with a warm smile, not Jonas'  _ I know you better than anyone, something's up you can tell me _ smile, just an open, kind smile that almost spurred Isak to say more...

"Who's Even??"

They were suddenly interrupted by Magnus who laid down his tray on the table with a loud bang before plopping down on a chair. Only seconds later, they were also joined by Mahdi who slapped their hands, greeted them with his usual cool, but still looked expectantly between Isak and Jonas, also curious to know what they were on about.

“He’s um…” Jonas looked at Isak, lifting his eyebrows in question, to which Isak responded with a small nod, “he’s Isak’s new roommate.”

“Your what?!” Magnus shrieked loudly, not even noticing people in the cafeteria looking at them in a mix of annoyance and curiosity, “you’ve got a roommate, really?”

“Yeah I… I moved into a flatshare this weekend.” Isak shrugged.

“No way, that’s so cool!” Magnus beamed.

“It’s… whatever.” Isak brushed it off like it was absolutely no big deal, but he caught Mahdi looking at him intently, brows slightly furrowed as if he was trying to figure out if there really wasn't more to it. Mahdi knew things were difficult for Isak at home, Isak and Jonas had mentioned it a few times but he never tried to ask more. Although he cared and was attentive, Isak could see it, he just never tried to pry and Isak was grateful to him for that.

“Is he cool?” Magnus continued, oblivious as always to Isak reserve.

“Uh, yeah he is…” Isak squirmed in his seat, avoiding the curious gazes of his friends, “he’s really nice, he’s a student at UiO and um… yeah that’s it.”

When he looked up, Isak saw that Mahdi’s concerned look had disappeared, satisfied by Isak’s explanations, he just nodded and smiled, “That’s chill.”, he finally said.

“Yeah… that’s chill.”

“Oh but wait! You said he was a student, right?” Magnus asked through a mouthful of bread, his eyes gleaming as if he’d just had the best idea ever, “how old is he?”

“I dunno…” Isak shrugged, “twenty or something, why?”

“Niiice! That means he can buy booze for us!” Jonas and Mahdi burst out laughing at Magnus’ brilliant revelation but as much as they liked to make fun of their friend, they had to recognize this one was not completely stupid.

“Also, we can have pre games at your place now! No more parents on our backs, we can do whatever we want… Oh! Maybe he can get us into uni parties too! I’m sure older chicks would dig me… what?!” he frowned when Jonas and Madhi snorted at him, “does he have any hot friends he can introduce me to?”

“I um… I don’t...”

A minute ago, Isak was barely daring to mention Even to his best friend and now they were all talking about partying at their place and hooking up with his hot friends, how the fuck did that escalate to this? Well, Magnus that’s how.

“Maybe we can give Isak some time to settle, yeah?” Jonas laughed, giving Magnus a little pat on the back to calm his enthusiasm down, “let him get to know the guy a little bit first?” he said, throwing Isak a quick  _ I got you _ glance. 

“Alright…” Magnus threw his hands up in surrender before the conversation finally shifted away from Isak, his new living arrangements and from Even.

*

When Isak got back to the flatshare later in the day, the door was already unlocked. He got in, expecting Even to be there, back from Uni. If that’s where he had spent his day, Isak didn’t really know yet what he was up to exactly. Maybe he didn’t even left their place at all that day, maybe Sonja was still there too and he would find them both cuddling on the couch in the middle of the living room because they’d decided to have a quiet day in that he was just about to barge in on.

“Baby Jesus, hello!!” Eskild’s voice greeted him instead.

“Oh, hi Eskild” Isak chuckled, relieved to see that the uncomfortable scenario he had been building in his head didn’t materialize in front of him, “So, that’s what the J was about?

“Duuh!” Eskild frowned in disbelief that Isak didn’t get it right away, “but anyway, it’s so nice to see you! How have you been, d’you want some tea?” he asked, moving around in the kitchen, filling the boiler with water and grabbing some tea bags and cups in the cupboard as if Isak was a guest in his home and not the other way around.

“Um yeah… sure, thanks.” 

“Sooo…” Eskild poured the boiling water in the two cups, then looked expectantly at Isak as soon as he had finished and didn’t risk scalding himself anymore if he wasn’t careful about what he was doing.

“So?” Isak shook his head.

“How have you been doing? Did you settle okay in that old room of mine?”

“Yeah, I haven’t unpacked everything yet but it’s cool… I like it.”

“Good, good…” Eskild smiled, “So many fun memories in there, but I won’t tell you about it right now, I don’t want you to run away just yet” he winked mischievously.

“Please don’t.” Isak snorted.

They stayed silent for a moment, both bringing their tea cups to their lips and having a few careful sips of their hot drink, throwing amused glances at each other.

“And, how’s living with Even?” Eskild suddenly asked, a wide smile and curious look on his face.

“Cool, it’s cool…” Isak said, swallowing a big gulp of tea.

“Yeah? You two get along?” Eskild beamed when Isak nodded in response, “well that’s easy with this one he’s so nice right? And I was sure you two would be a good match the moment I saw your little cherub face!”

“Right, um… thanks?” Isak scoffed.

“Well, speaking of the devil!” Eskild exclaimed when they heard the front door open and Even joined them in the small kitchen, a fond, slightly amused smile spreading on his face when he found his ex-roommate there.

“Eskild! What are you doing here? Did Mads already kick you out?” he asked, throwing a quick wink at Isak who felt his cheeks flush instantly and tried to hide them behind the still steaming cup.

“How dare you?!” Eskild shrieked, clenching his hand over his heart, “Mads and I are very much happy and in love thank you very much, but I ran out of this delicious tea and I was in the neighborhood, so here I am!”

“You ran out of tea? You do know about these things called grocery stores, right?” Even chuckled.

“I know but look who I met here!” Eskild nodded towards Isak who jumped a little bit when he found himself in the center of the conversation he had been silently observing, “I wouldn’t have found this one at the store, would I? Maybe I wanted to check on my two little  _ protégés _ , see how you are doing without me…”

“Don’t worry mum, we’re fine.” Even rolled his eyes playfully as he sat with them at the table. 

“Alright...” Eskild shrugged, “so anyway, how was work?” he asked, apparently still decided to act like an overprotective mother.

“It was alright, the usual I guess.”

“What um… what do you do?” Isak asked.

“I work at KB, the one on Skovveien, right near Nissen actually.” he smiled, “so you can come by after school when I’m there if you want, I can offer you coffee if the boss is not around.”

“Okay, cool.” Isak nodded.

“Excuse me?!” Eskild interrupted them, “He’s been living with you for two days and you’re already offering him a coffee date? I’ve had to wait for like three months before I was invited to a coffee date.” Eskild complained.

Isak felt panic rise inside him, his first instinct was to protest that of course it wasn’t a  _ date _ , what kind of weird idea was that? It was just free coffee, of course it couldn't be a  _ date _ , Even had a girlfriend, and Isak wasn’t… he wasn’t…

But his rambling thoughts were interrupted by Even’s booming laugh, Even who didn’t seem to be troubled in the slightest by Eskild’s nonsensical imagination, or in the need to protest and correct him, to make him understand how wrong he was, that it wasn’t what this was about at all, that it could never be.

“What can I say?” Even tilted his head on the side, looking between Eskild and Isak, his eyes all crinkled by his amused smile, “maybe I just like him better.” he joked, oblivious to the tsunami he and Eskild had just created in Isak with their jokes and seemingly harmless implications.

“Rude!!” Eskild whined, giving Even a little playful smack on the shoulder, “I don’t know how I’ve put up with this one for that long... he’s lucky he’s so handsome, right?” he then turned to Isak.

“Um, right…” he chuckled nervously before breathing out in relief when the conversation moved to less perilous territories.

*

Eskild stayed for most of the afternoon before eventually returning to his new home, the apartment feeling suddenly very silent and a lot less crowded the moment he closed the front door behind him, after he had promised Isak and Even that he would come back soon before they could miss him too much.

“He’s joking but he will be back.” Even warned Isak playfully, “Maybe I should get that key back…”

“I’m sure he will.” Isak chuckled.

“I um…” Even started, his laugh suddenly subsiding, “I just wanted to say sorry, about yesterday.”

“What do you mean?” Isak frowned.

“Well you had just moved in and I really wanted to welcome you a little better than that…” he explained vaguely but Isak understood that he was talking about the way they were interrupted when they were having a drink to celebrate him coming to live there with Even, “I totally forgot Sonja was gonna come by and uh…”

“No, no, it’s fine don’t worry.” Isak stopped Even’s guilty rambling, “Besides, you’ve already made me feel more than welcome so…”

“Yeah?” Even asked, a small almost sheepish smile on his lips and Isak couldn’t believe that after everything Even had done for him those last few days, he could still doubt for even a second that Isak was anything but grateful or that he could be mad at him in any way.

“Of course.” he answered, a reassuring smile on his lips but, also he hoped firmly enough to make Even understand just how much he meant it.

“Good.” Even murmured. 

“So um…” Isak hesitated, “how long have you been together? You and Sonja?” he eventually asked. Not that he really wanted to talk about her, but he just wanted to know more about Even.

“Five years or something?” Even wondered, “Well, with ups and downs and some breaks here and there, but yeah… since we were fifteen.”

“Wow…” Isak breathed out. Of course, how could anyone be with Even and ever let him go? Isak knew what it was like to be near him, to be taken care of by him and he already felt like he wouldn’t be able to ever go without it again. So to be loved by him?

“She didn’t… she didn’t seem too pleased that I’ve moved in here with you.” he said sheepishly.

“Yeah I’m sorry about that… It really has nothing to do with you it’s just…” Even sighed.

“What?”

“Ever since I’ve moved into this flatshare with Eskild, she’s been hinting at, you know... the two of us living together one day… We’ve never really talked about it seriously but I think that when Eskild told me he was going to live with Mads, she thought I would ask her to move in together so…” he trailed off.

“Oh, I see… And why don’t you? Wouldn’t you rather live with your girlfriend than with a high school student?” Isak scoffed.

“Honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet… and I’m quite happy to be living with  _ this  _ high school student right now.” he said, looking at Isak with his warm, soft smile that seemed to make every nerve under Isak’s skin tingle.

“Cool, me too. I mean…” Isak mumbled awkwardly, “you know.”

“Anyway, um… I have some homework to do.” Isak pointed at his bedroom, desperate to be alone for even just a minute so that he could catch his breath again and calm the flush that was warming up his skin.

“Okay, sure. How about I cook something for dinner while you work and then we can have another movie night? What do you say?” Even asked with that little tilt of his head

“Yeah… okay, I’d like that.”

“Perfect. See you later then.”

“Right…” Isak stopped himself before he could let that lame  _ It’s a date! _ joke out of his mouth. Damn Eskild planting the ridiculous notion of him, Even and a fucking date in his mind, “see ya.”

Ridiculous.

This would never happen, it could never happen. But right now, Isak had this, he had a home, and a friend, someone who had actually chosen him, chosen to share this home with him, and it was already better than anything he could have ever let himself hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovely readers <3
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking up with this story after I took such a long pause... First i got distracted by my Christmas fic and then a lot happened and I just, lost sight of it for a moment. Sorry about that, I just hope this chapter was worth the wait and I promise to try not to let so much time pass before the next one!
> 
> Anyway, if you want to tell me what you think, I'm always very happy to read your feedbacks :)
> 
> I’m on [twitter](https://twitter.com/lokkanel) and [tumblr](https://lokkanel.tumblr.com/), come say hello !  
> Much Love  
> L.


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